You've set your time and your place for the 'fair fight'. Now for 'How do we do it? How do we argue in that constructive, creative, positive way you promised?'
'I'd like us to talk about putting things away.'
'Can we sort out a problem about managing the money?'
'Let's have a fight about talking to the children when they don't do what they're supposed to do.'
'There's something about our love-making we'd better straighten out.'
It sounds clearcut and straightforward. It is - once you've got in the way of frequent fighting. In fact, once you fight regularly, a topic can be raised, discussed and agreed on in two minutes flat without either of you noticing you had a fight!
When you first start talking things out properly, there's a backlog of pocketed resentments. Start on one and they're all ready to burst out. You start talking about the children leaving their bikes across the drive and discover yourself defending a repair you began and left; next you're accusing your partner of not having meals ready on time. Before you know, it's and anyway, your mother always . . .' or 'and anyway, your father never. . .
When that happens, use it! These are all topics to be talked through later, so list them. Then go back to today's topic. If you keep slipping off it, write your topic on a piece of paper and put it where you can both keep an eye on it.
When you've finished, choose your next topic and make an appointment for your next fight.
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We hope that you have enjoyed the first few pages above in this section of "Happiness - It's Up To You".
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