Maybe you thought there were two of you in a couple relationship? Think again . . . there are three! Three living creatures: You, your partner, and-your relationship.
Your relationship is what makes your couple togetherness different from just any two people being together. There is a 'thing' there, a presence, that has a life of its own. One man said of the last two years with his ex-wile, 'Even while we were fighting tooth and nail, there was something there'.
Yes, there is such a thing as a 'correct' way to fight, a creative, constructive, positive arguing.
If you ever thought 'Peace at any price' or 'I don't want to make waves', you might be horrified at how high the later price and the waves can be. You hear people say, 'We've been married thirteen (or seventeen or thirty-five) years and never had a cross word'. When couples don't talk through their differences, the relationship 'thing' between them silently shrivels away. With nothing to hold them close, they drift further and further apart until they become strangers. You can live with someone and still be lonely.
What keeps a relationship interesting over the years? It's that we're different. No two people are the same, not even identical twins. No matter how much you love each other, you're different. We often try to make each other behave the same way, but luckily we can't. It's the differences that keep your relationship interesting and stimulating. Use them!
Creative arguing holds you together.
The other rules, on how to talk about it, are covered in the next two chapters:
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We hope that you have enjoyed the first few pages above in this section of "Happiness - It's Up To You".
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