Blaming doesn't solve anything. In fact, it makes things worse for you.
When someone accuses you, 'You shouldn't have done that' or 'You upset me', what do you feel? Hurt? Resentful and defensive? Angry and attacking? Guilty? Others feel like that when they're blamed! They're likely to bit back, clam up, or buy the blame and feel guilty.
If they hit back, there's a slinging match. You both try to outsmart each other and don't talk about the real problem.
If they clam up you don't talk about the problem either. You both nurse your grievances.
If they buy the blame, they worry more about their guilt than about the problem. Guilt is like wearing blinkers, it blocks vision and hampers talk about the problem.
Blaming makes it hard to talk about the real problem.
Blaming others also stirs up your own feelings. They didn't do what they should have done! Your own should makes you tense, frustrated, irritated, angry.
Self-blame like 'Why didn't I take more care?' makes you feel bad, disappointed in yourself, guilty.
Blaming makes more problems. Energy is directed away from the problem instead of to it.
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We hope that you have enjoyed the first few pages above in this section of "Happiness - It's Up To You".
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