Get a clear idea of where your shoulds come from and how they affect you and those around you.
As you grow up, hidden shoulds like 'Don't touch that', 'Have an apple', 'Say thank you', 'Your bed isn't made' tell you what is expected of you. If your parents touch and hug often, you think that's the thing to do and you're surprised when others don't. If your parents insisted on good table manners like eating with mouth dosed and elbows off the table, you'll notice 'bad table manners' very keenly.
The family standards you absorb in childhood become 'That's the way it's done'. If others don't do it that way, well - they should!
We're expected to get married and have children. Your family expects it of you, society expects it of you, you're likely to expect it of yourself. What the family expects is usually in line with what society expects. And that's usually in line with what you expect of yourself.
Are any of your shoulds different from your family's? Perhaps your parents drifted aimlessly and you decided to work hard and be ambitious. Sometimes people set themselves the opposite standard because they don't like what they see. Sometimes one picks up a new should at some moment in childhood or because one misunderstood what the parents meant.
No matter where your should came from, you can at any time stop and take another look at it. Take a fresh look and make a fresh decision - to keep your should or to change it for a rule that fits better today. Give yourself the choice!
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We hope that you have enjoyed the first few pages above in this section of "Happiness - It's Up To You".
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