Next time you’re chatting with your friends, count up the number of times you hear labels like:
We use labels all the time. ‘You clumsy fool!’ yells Paul’s brother when Paul spills a cup of coffee. My marriage failed — I’m a failure’, Jim tells himself when Jane leaves him.
When something goes wrong, we’re only too ready to call ourselves and others names.
If you call yourself names — I’m a failure’ or ‘I’m stupid’— it feels deep down like it’s the whole of you that’s a failure or stupid. You’re totally worthless, you’ll be like that forever and there’s no way out. Labels crush you. They make you feel helpless, hopeless, depressed.
I do counselling and teach how to rebuild lost confidence, working with individuals, couples and small groups. All pin labels on themselves, and all believe some of the labels pinned on them by others.
The labels you call yourself or believe, sap your confidence. But you don’t have to use labels, you can go by the facts. Facts make you feel hopeful and able to cope. Let’s turn to the facts of what happened.
Paul spilled coffee and his brother was annoyed. Jim lost a marriage partner and was devastated. The facts can be bad but you make it worse for yourself when you add crushing labels to them and turn yourself into a failure or a clumsy fool as well!
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